Saturday, October 10, 2009

The One and Only Right Review

Calculations conducted with data obtained from the user commentary sections of videogame review websites conclude that the following constitutes the optimal critique of every game ever released. Feel free to paste it where appropriate.

The One and Only Right Review

I'm the wrong writer for this review. I've given the game a score it doesn't deserve: too stingy because I'm biased against the platform it's supposed to sell; unduly generous because I hoped to hide my bias towards the competing console. I've been bribed to deny that the game sucks; bribed to say that it does indeed.

I'm an imbecile. My score doesn't match the aggregation site average which, to indulge one co-conspirator, I wanted to raise. Actually, I intended to reduce it in order to satisfy the other.

My editors are morons. Instead of assigning this review to a fan of the genre who wouldn't have naively mistaken imitative mediocrity for innovation because he hadn't already played the eleven other games exactly like it, they gave it to me: a cynic who, having played and appreciated almost every game of the genre ever released, has unreasonably high expectations.

I evaluated a sim according to arcade standards, and I expected simulation in a goofy arcade game.

Had I played more than a mere 40 hours prior to collecting my $60 check (which may or may not arrive in three months) I'd have noticed that the game takes an irreversible turn for the worse on the third replay and redeems itself on the fourth.

I neglected to dedicate individual paragraphs to the trophies and achievements, the customization, the cutscenes, the voice-overs, the Havoc physics, the pause menu, the patented and groundbreaking player abilities bullet-pointed on the press release, and if not these then everything else that the discerning readers who choose to use the comment function on this site point out while proving that they are, in fact, far more qualified to have written this review.

Now the credibility I never had is as good as gone. This website and/or magazine was demonstrably better before its former writers and editors departed to become the despised new regimes at rival websites and magazines.


«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 232 of 232
Anonymous said...

Hi i like it this blog..................

Latest nike shoes said...

This Nike soccer cleats ultra vibrant New nike soccer shoes ...The Nike soccer cleats has a huge army of fans across the globe, and if you're one of them we know you love them to be bright, flashy and in-your-face colours. Checking out these nike mercurial vapor superfly III fg versions, part of Nike's Fall seasonal releases, we're sure you're going to love these Nike Football Cleats too, they combine Laser technology and Nike Mercurial Vapor Superfly with the Vapor series!especially once they start appearing en masse on pitch. You can click "VIEW MORE" for more detailed pictures. New levels of performance after nike mercurial vapor superfly III new levels of performance after.

mark said...

best organic seo servicesThank you, I have recently been searching for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I have discovered so far.

Ricky Martin said...

This site is excellent and so is how the subject matter was explained. I also like some of the comments too.Waiting for next post.

buy vicodin online

weerah said...

Superb work! The data supplied was very useful. I hope that you maintain the good work accomplished.
buy codeine online

john said...

Very interesting thanks. I believe there's even more that could be on there! keep it up

Natasha said...

Nice post amazing information and also contain very needful knowledge.
I really appreciate you for this beautiful post.

Free Classified Ads

yyyy said...

Thanks for sharing and letting us aware about this information. This is a great thread, so much info.

Ricky Martin said...

Thank you, I have recently been searching for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I have discovered so far.

buy online vicodin es

Anonymous said...

Uggs are sheepskin boots.Babyliss Hair Straightener What this means is they are able to keep the ft dry and warm. Mostly utilized in cold nations, they've gain popularity around the globe. The sturdy stitch and soles helps make the boot durable.Ugg Classic Boots The outside area of the boot consists of fleece-like sheepskin material whereas the inside consists of made of woll.Ugg Classic Boots the lifeline from the Uggs dates back towards the year 1971 when Uggs-N-Area rugs first made and begin selling due to the fact. Initially viewers accustomed to put on due to the uk The beach residents and viewers known as them ughs, ugly boots or simply the ughs in a nutshell. It's been thought that Uggs were worn initially on Alarms Beach in Victoria.Ugg Boots Outlet However, now Uggs have grown to be an worldwide logo and is worn both in winters and summer season.Ugg Boots Outlet Uggs-N-Area rugs around 2003 offered his company also it was just since that time the boots grew to become popular within the worldwide market. These come in plenty on the market.UGG Outlet Many online retailers sell the fake boots but go ahead and take same cost like this from the original ones.uggs clearance If you value the company Ugg you'd certainly not mind having to pay more with this brand.Ugg Online Store Is not it? Thus fake ones certainly mustn't become your choice.ugg classic boots The Australian made genuine Uggs are particularly produced from top quality materials.Cheap Ugg UK Furthermore they can undergo a comprehensive procedure of dying, cleaning, cutting as well as conditioning of sheepskin. The fake boots that are created to seem like the initial Uggs are constructed with poor textures and synthetic soles.Discount Uggs Boots So, before shopping your boots from Ugg online, perform a little more searching to discover which online shop provides a genuine set of Ugg boot.Uggs are available in different colours. So, the very best factor relating to this boot is you can choose the color of your liking when purchasing due to the fact. gh uk
Ugg Classic Boots
Ugg Classic Boots
Babyliss Hair Straightener
Ghd Australia

Anonymous said...

uggs clearance
uggs clearance
uggs Ugg outlet store
Discount Uggs Boots
Ugg Classic Boots
ugg boots outlet
Ugg Boots Clearance
Ugg Online Store
UGG Outlet Store
Cheap Ugg UK
Uggs clearance sale
ugg australia uk
ugg boots clearance
ugg coupon

Evolve said...

i truthfully enjoy your own writing kind, very remarkable,
don’t give up as well as keep writing due to the fact that it simply just worth to follow it. looking forward to see a whole lot more of your current well written articles, enjoy your day
Accounting Firms

Muhammad Alexander said...

You made some good points .I did a little research on the topic and found that most people agree with your blog. Thanks and appreciate to you for your Brilliant effort.

the best seo company

mark said...

cost effective advertisingam also interested in this topic. I have spent a lot of time on searching this kind of topic. It is very informative.

john said...

Very interesting thanks. I believe there's even more that could be on there! keep it up
organic seo service

john said...

Thank you, I have recently been searching for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I have discovered so far.
organic seo service

mark said...

The positive comments and do well wishes are very motivational and greatly appreciated.drug discussion
drug discussion forum
drug forum

moncler said...

Moncler Sito Ufficiale, Piumini Moncler è stata fondata in Francia nel 1952
Moncler Sito Ufficiale
Moncler sito ufficiale, Piumini Moncler risparmiare
Piumini Moncler
In winter,piumini moncler is our necessities.We can buy them in moncler
Giubbotti Moncler
Moncler,Piumini Moncler, Moncler Piumini, Moncler Sito Ufficiale, Piumini Moncler Donna, Piumini Moncler Uomo
Moncler Outlet
Moncler outlet negozio online, abbiamo piรน economico e migliore Moncler uomo

Abby said...

That so wonderful plus that is extremely different from all blogs i have seen great work. Best Wishes buy codeine online

David bone said...

Hi, nice post. I have been wondering about this topic,so thanks for sharing. I will certainly be subscribing to your blog.retail clothing franchise

Adam said...

Very interesting thanks. I believe there's even more that could be on there! keep it up
buy percocet online

Colin said...

Saying thanks will not just be enough, for the extraordinary lucidity in your writing. I will immediately grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates
buy watson

qinbincai123 said...

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?Thou hidh81ke art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May.And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.
Cheap New Era Hats
New Era 59fifty Hats
New Era 59fifty caps
New Era Hats Wholesale
Cheap Hats

qinbincai123 said...

Television is not real life. In real kithg86 life people actually have to leave
the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Cheap New Era Hats

New Era 59fifty Hats

New Era 59fifty caps

New Era Hats Wholesale

Cheap Hats

clipping path said...

I was happy to uncover this website.I desired to thank you for this excellent read!! I definitely taking pleasure in every little bit of it and I have you added to look at out new products you article. clipping path

UII Official said...

Thanks for review, it was excellent and very informative.
thank you :)

Facebook Descargar said...

I understand what you bring it very meaningful and useful, thanks.
download descargar facebook gratis para Android celular and download free descargar facebook apk en español, descargar facebook plus , descarga facebook

Anh Mai said...

I would like to thank you for your nicely written post.
Versión en facebook español a los países hablan Español: facebook login entrar , facebook en español para and facebook entrar direto

Adeline Niesha said...

I know where I'm going and l know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want.Thankyou i really love it.

Bella Tran said...

thank you for sharing,
play game juegos kizi online free and play game juegos de kizi online and play game jogos de friv

Syka ika said...

I really liked this part of the article, with a nice and interesting topics have helped a lot of people who do not challenge things people should know.. you need more publicize this so many people who know about it are rare for people to know this, Success for you. Offline filehippo

Dorothy Dora said...

Wonderful article, thanks for putting this together! This is obviously one great post. Thanks for the valuable information and insights you have so provided here.

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 232 of 232   Newer› Newest»